For Lori Kober of Vermillion, however, there was an added dimension to the occasion when she received the 2013 Outstanding Citizen with a Disability Award Sept. 9 in Pierre.

Gov. Dennis Daugaard and Lori speak the same language – specifically, sign language.

Lori, who is deaf, communicates by sign language and lip reading. Both of Gov. Daugaard’s parents were born deaf, making sign language the principal means of communication for his family.

“It was very special – the governor, while I was receiving my award, was signing to me, ‘Congratulations, I’m very proud of you,’ in sign language in front of everybody,” she said. “I didn’t need an interpreter for that moment. That was nice.”

Lori, owner of Kober Funeral Home in Vermillion, with a second location in Elk Point, broke through barriers related to gender as well as disability en route to becoming the only licensed deaf female mortician, funeral director and funeral home owner in America.

She has served on many committees and associations related to her profession or disability and frequently presents at conferences and seminars throughout the country.

Lori’s statewide recognition brings to focus her accomplishments in a male-dominated profession without the ability to hear.

Her successful career can be credited to sheer determination, along with the help of key people in her life – her parents, her husband, Tom, and Al and Marilyn Siecke, who gave her the opportunity of a lifetime in Vermillion.

Lori was born deaf, and her parents discovered when she was 18 months old that she couldn’t hear. She grew up on a farm near Elkhart Lake, WI, and attended St. John’s School for the Deaf in Milwaukee, WI. She later transferred to and graduated from the Milwaukee School for the Deaf.

“When I was young, in seventh grade, I wanted to work in a funeral home,” Lori said through an interpreter. “Nobody in my family was involved; it was just something that caught my attention, and that’s been my goal ever since.”

Even though no one in Lori’s family had ever sought a career as a mortician, she wasn’t deterred, and her parents fully supported her efforts to follow her dreams. After graduating from high school, Lori attended Gallaudet University in Washington, DC.

“I wanted to complete my B.A. there, and then I went to the University of the District of Columbia for mortuary school,” Lori said. “That had been my plan the whole time. I had worked in a funeral home in Maryland for a couple of years before I moved to South Dakota in 1995.”

A year later, Al Siecke hired her. Al and his wife, Marilyn, owned and operated Iverson-Siecke Funeral Home in Vermillion, with a second location in Elk Point.

“In 1996, I started to work for Al and Marilyn, and in 2008, I bought the funeral home,” Lori said.

Al proved to be more than just a boss.

“He was kind of a father to me for all of those years – not a boss,” she said. “He was a father figure and a mentor.”

Al died in 2010; a year later, his wife, Marilyn, passed away.

“He kind of polished her, and brought her up to become the owner (of the funeral home),” Tom said. He is particularly qualified to understand the challenges that his wife has faced and conquered, for he, too, is deaf.

“I thank Al and Marilyn for giving me the opportunity to own the funeral home. They had faith in me and they knew that I could do it. Vermillion is my home now; I’ve spent most of my adult life here,” Lori said.

Early in her career, her duties primarily focused on the “behind the scenes” work that is part of every funeral home business.

Today, Lori spends more time one-on-one with people who need assistance after losing a loved one.

“I like working with the families,” she said. “They’ve just lost their loved ones, and I’m there from the beginning to the end. It’s a service I can provide to help them through a difficult time. I take a lot of pride in my work.

“We’re here to support families with compassion and help them,” Lori said.

One way she’s been able to provide needed support despite being deaf is through her ability to lip-read. She has her family to thank.

“No members of my family signed (learned sign language), so I got used to lip reading,” Lori said. “And technology has really helped, through texting and video chat. If it wasn’t for the technology, I don’t know if my goal to own the business would have happened.

But we have the technology that allows us to get everything done; the only thing I can’t do is hear.”

Plus, there are ways to communicate with family members who have just suffered a loss that needs no technology or spoken word.

“My way of communicating a lot of times when I first meet with a family is through things like hugs and expressions like that, to let them know we are here for them through the whole process,” Lori said.

She admits being at a loss for words when she was informed recently that she was to be honored. The 2013 Governor’s Awards ceremony was co-sponsored by South Dakota’s Boards of Vocational Rehabilitation and Service to the Blind and Visually Impaired, the Statewide Independent Living Council and the Department of Human Services.

“I never thought I would receive an award from the governor,” Lori said. “It’s a blessing from heaven. It validates that I mean something to the community – that my work is valued.

“I think of all of those years of hard work, of looking forward to meet my goals … it feels like a validation … that it has paid off,” she said. “And the work that has led us here is going to continue on into the future.”

The inability to hear was not the only barrier Lori had to overcome.

“Back when I first started, this was a very male-run business.

Women were not typically funeral directors. Being a woman, and being deaf was an extra-added challenge,” Lori said. “I feel very blessed to own the funeral home here and be supported by the communities of Vermillion and Elk Point.”

She’s thankful for the support she received from her parents as she pursued her goal, and to her very first employer – a Maryland couple who owned and operated a funeral home, Richard and Ellen Rapp.

“I was one of their favorite employees there,” Lori said. “I supervised all of their apprenticeships for the embalming at Rapp Funeral Home. Having the opportunity to work there let me know that this was something that I could do.

“In Maryland, I was doing a lot of embalming, and I didn’t work with the families much,” she said. “But when I came here and started working with Al, that’s when I started working with families. I wasn’t behind the scenes like I was in Maryland. I had a chance to start meeting the people, the members of the community, here.”

February 2014 will mark the sixth year of the Kobers’ ownership of their Vermillion and Elk Point funeral homes. Lori and Tom have been married for 24 years.

In that time, besides continuing the tradition of a successful funeral home business, the Kobers have built lasting local relationships.

Accompanying Lori to Pierre Sept. 9 to witness the award presentation were Mary Bartels and her daughter, Mary K. Zimmerman, both of Vermillion. Mary’s grandson, James Bartels, who grew up in Sioux Falls, served in the U.S. Navy and holds a business management degree from Dakota State University, works full time for Lori at the funeral home.

James’ parents, Joseph and Jodene Bartels, Sioux Falls, are hearing impaired and are longtime friends of the Kober family.

James can easily communicate with Lori, having mastered sign language to communicate with his parents. He can also serve as an interpreter when needed.

James said his interest in the funeral home business was piqued during a conversation he had years ago with Lori.

“She said that if I ever wanted to do this and went to school, there would be a job for me,” he said. “She held a job for me for eight years, while I was in the military, and while I went to college.

It was a long time of planning before I actually started working here.”

James studied mortuary science at Des Moines Area Community College and is fully licensed funeral director.

“It means a lot to me that they both (Mary Bartels and Mary Kay Zimmerman) came from Vermillion to Pierre to see me receive the award,” Lori said. “That really says something.”