What does she look like? Where does she live? How is she doing? These were recurring questions that Jan Everson and Jane Pugh thought often for many years about the daughter they each had given up for adoption. Though the two women, living just houses apart, have shared a similar story for so many years, it was their journey of reuniting with their own daughters that brought them together as close friends.

The four women gathered together with me for an interview, Jane and Jan in person and Kelly and Theresa on speakerphone. Though Kelly and Theresa have heard about each other, this is the first time they met by phone. After a few minutes of warm chit chat, we dove into their stories with a box of Kleenex within reach. It wasn’t long before the room was filled with excited chatter and laughter. Soon we were wiping away tears while they began reminiscing and sharing the heart-warming journey of their reunions.

Jane & Kelly’s Story

Jane stepped into the world of motherhood at age seventeen, giving birth to a daughter that she named Shawn Marie, the only babygirl born that day in a group of boys. Knowing that this baby girl deserved a better life than what she could offer at the time, Jane made the unfathomable decision to give her up for adoption, deciding that a closed-end adoption was the best route for her. Her little dimple-chinned baby girl lived in a foster home for about four weeks while Jane made the decision. Jane received a treasured picture of her baby taken during this time that she kept with her throughout life. This baby’s adopted parents received an amazing Christmas present when they adopted her on December 23rd, naming her Kelly.

Kelly always knew that she was adopted, her parents open about it and informing her of it at an early age. She always had a curiosity about traits she might have received from her biological family. Whose nose did she have? Whose distinct voice did she have? Though her adopted family was a wonderful, loving family, she realized that there were people out there that she shared traits with, such as her love for animals and travel. Her adopted family was always very supportive and offered to help her look for her parents if she ever had the desire, though she never really did, until she found herself in her forties and started to think about her biological family from a mother’s point of view.

Wanting her biological family to know her life turned out great and concerned that her biological mother might be worried about her, Kelly decided to find and contact her. She originally considered sending a post-card but decided to contact her biological mother by phone. Her search began.

The Search

Kelly felt a blend of curiosity, excitement and fear as she began her search. Throughout her life, she imagined her biological parents to be world travelers, singers or possibly lawyers. During the search, reality set in and she realized that her biological parents could also be bad, sad or unsuccessful people. She often questioned herself in the search and considered not pursuing them, afraid that she may be making a mistake.

As soon as Kelly initiated the search it became a family affair and her mom, dad, aunt and brother jumped in and began helping. She connected with someone in an “adoption underground” who had birth records for California through 1990. She found her birth listing that gave her mother and father’s last names and her given birth name, Shawn M. Kelly contacted the adoption agency for non-identifying information, a process taking several phone calls and months, resulting in numerous pages of information about the families, though no names or addresses.

Six months later, Kelly’s mom made the breakthrough, stumbling upon Grandpa Bert’s obituary that mirrored information from the agency, leaving little doubt. They had a name – Jane Pugh, and Kelly’s brother found a phone number. Kelly waited a few more months, until her birthday, when she felt like it was the right time to reach out to Jane.

Making the Call

Sitting in her car in the Pier One Imports parking lot on her 42nd birthday, the location chosen for its cell phone reception, Kelly gathered up the courage to call Jane. Several negative scenarios flooded her head: her birth mother had Kelly at a young age and had gone on with her life, she hadn’t told anyone about Kelly, Kelly was destructing her birth mother’s life or she didn’t want to have anything to do with Kelly. The thoughts terrified her. Kelly’s adopted mom had flown to New York to be with Kelly that day while she called Jane, for support whether the response was good or bad. She spent time shopping at Pier One giving Kelly privacy to make the call.

With her heart racing and feelings of hope, anxiety and fear rushing through her, Kelly called and hung up several times before the call went through, unable to complete the call. Taking a deep breath, she steadied her hands and dialed one more time and let it go through. Jane’s husband Merlyn answered the phone and said that Jane wasn’t home, asking if he could take a message. Kelly told Merlyn that Jane doesn’t know her, but she wanted to ask her about something she might know about.

“Well, Janie knows quite a bit about a few things,” Merlyn responded. “She’ll be back in about a half an hour. This isn’t one of those sales calls, is it?” Kelly told Merlyn that she would call back. She had to go through the whole daunting process all over again! We all laughed as Kelly described the phone call and Merlyn’s response, able to imagine the situation.

Making Contact

Kelly anxiously waited in the Pier One parking lot before dialing Jane again with shaking hands and her heart pounding in her ears. Jane answered this time. Kelly clearly recalls the details of the call.

“What I said was, ‘You don’t know me, but I am pretty sure you were there when I was born 42 years ago today in Granada Hills, CA.’ I had practiced that line a million times and wanted her to have an out if this really was a bad connection for her to have. When she said, ‘Shawn Marie’ I knew and said, ‘Are you my biological mother?’ She said ‘Yes’ and we were both crying.”

Getting the Call

Jane calls Kelly’s birthday a “wonder day.” She spent every one of her daughter’s birthdays wondering what she looked like, how she was doing and where she was. Over the years, she made peace with the fact that if she didn’t hear from her daughter, it meant that she was fine and had a good life. She left it to Kelly to make the call if she wanted to reconnect. Jane clearly recalls the details of the phone call she received that day.

“It is hard to put in to words how I felt. Elated, emotional, excited, blessed, etc. It was Kelly’s 42nd birthday and of course I had thought about her all day. But words cannot express how I felt when the person on the other end of the line said, ‘You don’t know me today, but I am 98% sure you gave birth to me 42 years ago today in Granada Hills, CA.’ I of course screamed and said, ‘Is this really Shawn Marie?’ and she said, ‘I know you are my biological mother because you know my birth name.’”

Jane couldn’t wait to share her news with those around her, including her co-workers. She called Denny Everson, a co-worker and friend, with her exciting news. Surprisingly, he explained to Jane that Jan had her own story of choosing adoption for her first-born daughter. Jane and Jan began sharing stories and support for each other and soon a close bond was formed.

Jan & Theresa’s Story

Jan was a young adult working her first job in a small rural hospital laboratory. She was in love and was discussing marriage with a young man, but when Jan realized she was pregnant, those plans changed. She knew she would have the love and support of her family, but felt that she needed to make this difficult decision on her own. With a lot of praying for guidance and reflecting on her own childhood, she knew she wanted her child to have the love and experiences of both a mother and a father. That’s why she chose adoption.

Jan chose not to see her baby girl, knowing she would never let her go if she did. “The only thing I saw was the back of her head, actually, the top left side.” She had dark, curly hair. This memory became engrained in her memory. When she explained how later, during the birth of each of her three daughters, the memory flooded back to her and she made the connection to her first born, her voice cracked.

Theresa’s feelings about being adopted were much like Kelly’s. She always knew she was adopted, her parents were very open about it. She doesn’t think she even understood it until the fourth grade, when she realized that her brother, of Mexican descent and also adopted, had different skin color than she did.

She recalled having similar questions as Kelly about what her biological family looked like. She always wanted to look like someone because she never looked like anyone in her family. When she later had her own children, she was astonished to see that her children had some of her traits. The thought that someone in the world looked like her was extremely surreal. “Every time someone told me that I looked exactly like someone they knew, I wondered if I was related to that person,” she said.

Finding Theresa

Jan, like Jane, always thought about her first-born daughter, especially on her birthday. Though she wanted to look for Theresa many times, she felt she had given up those rights. Instead of looking, she prayed they would find each other someday.

Jan and Denny’s daughters, Kim, Shanda, and Angie have known about “her daughter in California” for many years and have encouraged Jan to find her. The last time was on Thanksgiving 2014 and as usual, Jan said the time just wasn’t right. The youngest daughter, Angie, apparently felt differently and on December 11, 2014 with a quick online search found Theresa.

As Jan explained, Angie counseled with Denny, Kim and Shanda on how they would tell Jan that Theresa had been located. Denny and Angie met with Jan the next day to tell her, but before any words were spoken she already knew and said, “You’ve found my daughter.”

“They shared her name (I didn’t name her. I felt that was a privilege her parents should have), her picture (I had never seen her), her address, where she worked, and pictures of her husband and two little girls! I had always prayed that she was alive, happy, and healthy. Those prayers of 41 years were answered in an instant! I now knew more about Theresa than I had ever hoped to know!”

Jan took the numbers and went for the phone. “I knew if I was ever going to have an opportunity, this was going to be it,” she explained. Her family, shocked that she was calling right away, whispered behind Jan as she moved to another room to call.

Jan called Theresa’s office number, which was a main switchboard line. She confidently asked for Theresa, sure that she would get patched through immediately. The operator on the other end explained that they have over 4,000 people employed and asked if Jan knew which department. The operator worked with Jan to narrow it down to the right person and put her through.When she got through to Theresa, she got her voicemail and said, “Theresa my name is Jan, I’m pretty sure that name will sound familiar to you. I know Dec. 7th is an important day in your life, it was an important day in mine as well, and I’m calling to wish you a belated happy birthday. So here are my phone numbers, I hope you will call me back, but if you choose not to, I want you to know I’ve always loved you and always will.” She hung up the phone and with so many emotions running through her, she fell apart. She didn’t notice her nervousness until after she hung up, several questions running through her head. What if she didn’t call back? What would Jan say if she did call back?

Waiting….and Waiting

It just so happened that Theresa didn’t get that message from Jan because she wasn’t at work that Friday. It made for an agonizing weekend for Jan and Denny, Jan pacing and circling the kitchen island, trying to focus on wrapping Christmas presents but not remembering what to write on the labels while Denny continually questioning her whether she heard back from Theresa. They waited….and waited….and waited.